PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
