I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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