Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
