I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
