I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
