Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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