I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
