The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
