I just pynch a tree in the face
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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