I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
