Rock
Scissors
Fuck
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
