Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
