i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
