how can u be prego again
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
