so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
