The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
