This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
