come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
