Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
