Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
