Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm both gender and math confused
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
