Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
