remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
