i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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