They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
