She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
