I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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