dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
