Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
