Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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