Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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