K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
