Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
