i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
