i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
