Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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