some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
