Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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