Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
