is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
