Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
