Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
