Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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