This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
