I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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