Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
