saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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