my cup is half full, half full of rum.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
