don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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