today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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