i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
