i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
