I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
