My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Houston, we have a blender
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
