I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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